


windows.

by dancehyuck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Blindness, Cancer, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 09:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12430191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancehyuck/pseuds/dancehyuck
Summary: mark wants to spend time with the blind people at his church because that's just the kind of person he is, but when he meets donghyuck, it becomes so much more than that.





	windows.

"mark."

"hm?"

"mark?"

"yes, donghyuck?" mark finally pries his eyes away from the book in his lap and looks up at his friend, who has his back against the opposite wall and a book in his lap as well.

"i... this is a weird question, but who do you think has the best smile out of all our friends?" donghyuck says quietly.

mark closes his book and bites his lip. "well... jaemin, i guess. he has really big, nice teeth. but jeno has the best eyesmile."

"next time we hang out with both of them remind me to ask the others if you’re bullshitting," donghyuck laughs. mark smiles and shakes his head as donghyuck goes back to reading.

 

 

he was reminded then of when they'd first met two years ago. mark had always been the helpful type, always volunteering with his parents whenever he could and giving to almost every donation event he heard about. so when his church announced their project to help the blind, mark had been one of the first people to sign up. when he arrived at the library that saturday, there were already people sitting around at the tables conversing quietly with each other so he headed over to the sign-in table.

"hi mark," mrs. ferris, the church's event coordinator, said to him with a smile. "i paired you up with lee donghyuck, he's around your age. he'll be here soon."

"what exactly do i do?" mark said nervously. it wasn't that he hadn't been around blind people before, but he was supposed to 'mentor' him for the next month and he didn't wanna fuck up.

"just befriend him," she replied. "i know his mom and she said it's hard for him to make friends at school. i'm sure he'll be glad for the company."

mark nodded and smoothed his hands over his jeans as he picked an open table and sat down to wait. he drummed his fingers nervously on the tabletop and glanced around, spotting one blind girl listening to her partner and laughing.

he smiled and looked back over at the library entrance just as a lady stepped through with a young boy holding onto her arm. he was almost as tall as mark but his frame was slightly smaller and he was skinny as hell. but despite how thin he was, his face was still soft and almost serene, all gentle slopes and curves. he wore a long-sleeved grey t-shirt and jeans and his hair was brown and curly with little tufts sticking up here and there. mark shot to his feet as mrs. ferris greeted them and pointed over at him.

"hi, you must be mark," the lady said as they approached.

"yeah, it's nice to meet you," he said as he smiled at them.

"woah," donghyuck commented. "his voice is pretty deep."

his mom laughed as mark turned bright red. "donghyuck, why don't you introduce yourself?"

donghyuck reached out a hand and waved it around a little before mark realized and stepped foward, taking his hand. the other boy then let go of his mom's elbow and smiled in mark's general direction. "i'm donghyuck, but you already knew that."

"i'm mark," he replied before flinching a little as donghyuck's hands came up to gently touch his face.

"sorry, i just... i wanna get an idea of what you look like," donghyuck explained.

mark laughed good-naturedly as donghyuck's hands probed his cheeks. he noted how soft and warm they were and figured it wasn't so bad. his hands could be freezing and cracked. "it's cool, at least i don't have a dirty face."

"that would be gross," donghyuck laughs, making a face. it's a little weird to mark, looking someone in the eye and not having them register you, but he figures he has to get used to it.

"donghyuck, sweetie, i'm gonna go now, okay?" his mom said, kissing his cheek.

"alright, i'll see you later," he said as they clasped hands briefly before she was gone.

"so how old are you?" mark said after she'd left, guiding donghyuck to the table and sitting down with him.

"fifteen. but to be fair i'm turning sixteen next month," donghyuck answered as he crinkled his nose. mark noticed he played with his clothes a lot and even then had a string from his sleeve running through his long fingers. "what about you?"

"sixteen," mark said. "i'm turning seventeen in august but i really don't want to."

"you're an old man," donghyuck teased.

"yeah, it really sucks that i peaked in fifth grade," mark sighed dramatically, earning a snort from donghyuck.

 

 

 

donghyuck fits right into mark's group of friends and continues hanging out with them even after the program ends. he's never had friends before, unless you count his braille teacher and the one other blind kid in his grade, so suddenly going from zero to six is one of the best things that's ever happened to him. especially since one of them is mark.

"hyuck, you thirsty?" they're all over at chenle's house for the afternoon since it's raining outside and there's nothing better for them to do, but the tv connection's shitty and they've been lying around complaining about the heat for almost an hour instead of doing anything productive.

"yeah, get me a coke if you can," donghyuck replies to mark from his spot in the armchair. he's got his legs folded up underneath him and another book resting in the little nest his calves make, running his fingers over the page as he takes in the story.

"hey, donghyuck, is braille hard?" jaemin says from the floor, fanning himself with a magazine as renjun and jeno put tiny misshapen braids in his hair.

"is english hard?"

chenle snorts from the couch and jaemin shakes his head. "okay, i get it. dumb question."

donghyuck giggles and shrugs. "i guess it was at first, but i dunno. i've been doing it so long now."

"hyuck's just being nice. it _was_ a dumb question," renjun laughs.

"oh, shut up you―"

jeno flicks his forehead. "stay still, this braid actually isn't that bad and if you mess it up i'll kill you."

donghyuck chuckles as mark finally comes out of the kitchen with a coke. "it's the last one, you lucky bastard," mark laughs as donghyuck pops the top and thanks him before taking a long swig.

"what are we gonna do you guys?" jisung groans from the couch. even though there's tons of open space next to him, he's squished up next to chenle and playing with the hole in the other boy's jeans. "it's so hot and we can't even go outside."

almost like magic, the rain outside dies out as soon as he finishes his sentence. "well! there's your answer jisung!" renjun says, hopping up and stretching his arms above his head.

"hey, take my braids down first!" jaemin protests as jeno joins him in standing. renjun ignores him.

"where should we go?" donghyuck says, closing his book.

"the pool? the mall?" mark shrugs.

"a movie?" donghyuck says. the room goes silent and donghyuck scoffs. "kidding, guys. oh my god."

mark smiles before looking at the others. "the mall sound good to you all?"

everyone nods and throws out a chorus of "yeah" and soon they're all piling into mark's mom's van, which she seemed to let him borrow even more since he started hanging out with donghyuck. he'd never tell him, but his mom thinks he's the best person mark's ever befriended.

renjun sits in the front next to mark since he's practically a human gps, and jeno, jaemin, and donghyuck pile into the middle row. donghyuck always gets middle since he's the skinniest and mark always looks in the rearview to see him scowling over jeno and jaemin's general "broadness." jisung and chenle always get the very back, only because they're so restless that there's no way they could deal with another person squished next to them.

they argue over music the whole way there and by the time mark parks in front of macy's, they've only been able to listen to one whole song without someone complaining.

"the pure is not better than michael jackson, you take that fucking back," donghyuck says in irritation as they walk into the mall. his hand grips mark's elbow as they enter into the cool air of the store.

"it's called the cure," jeno sighs, tired of having to defend his terrible taste in music.

"jeno, _who_ even listens to the cure in 2017?" jaemin laughs.

"i do," jeno pouts.

jaemin laughs again and puts his arm around jeno's shoulder. "it's okay, we still like you even though you're a forty-year-old man."

they walk through the mall and donghyuck tugs on mark's sleeve. "hey, let's get something to eat, i'm starving."

"where should we go?" mark asks as they round the corner into the food court.

"mcdonalds."

"chenle," renjun growls jokingly, pinching chenle's arm. "we can't always go to mcdonald's."

"panera bread?" jaemin suggests.

"that hippie place?" jisung says, making a face. "no thanks."

"let's just... split up," mark laughs. chenle shrugs and is dragging jisung off to mcdonald's before anyone can stop them. renjun convinces jeno and jaemin to go to one of his favorite restaurants and mark sighs.

"just you and me, hyuck," he says and donghyuck chews on his bottom lip.

"don't tell jaemin, but i kinda like panera bread," he laughs after a pause.

"okay, okay. we'll get panera," mark chuckles, guiding them over to the restaurant.

mark looks over the menu as donghyuck plays with a loose string on the other boy's sleeve. "what do you usually get?" mark suddenly asks, glancing over to read donghyuck's face.

"uh, the black bean soup i think," he says thoughtfully. "and green tea."

they step up to the counter. "two black bean soups and two green teas, please," mark says, causing donghyuck to smile and let out a tiny laugh.

after they get their food, mark finds a table big enough for all six of them and they eat their soup while they wait for the others. "i feel bad," donghyuck says with his spoon poised above his bowl. mark can always tell when he's thinking because his eyebrows furrow just the tiniest bit and he chews on the inside of his cheek.

"why?" mark says as he wraps his lips around his straw.

"i can tell jaemin's been feeling left out for awhile," he continues. "i wonder if it's because of me."

mark sets his spoon down and sighs. "no, don't feel bad. jaemin's always felt a little left out because his parents are strict. it's nothing new."

donghyuck frowns as the others start walking over. "maybe you guys should start going to his house then."

mark blinks. "i... i never thought of that."

"you guys went to panera without me?" jaemin gasps as he plops down in front of donghyuck.

"you eat it almost every day, jaemin, don't you need a break?" renjun teases as he slides in next to him.

“it’s okay, jaemin, i’m not judging you for paying thirty dollars for a bowl of soup. this soup is fucking delicious,” donghyuck says through his laugh.

“no one judging me? that’s new,” jaemin chuckles.

“and by the way,” donghyuck continues, “i heard that your parents are pretty strict so, you know… if you ever want us to come to you instead…”

it’s jaemin’s turn to blink. “right, ah… that’s really nice of you hyuck,” he says softly.

donghyuck continues eating as jaemin’s cheeks flare up in the lightest shades of pink. everyone goes back to their food and conversation but mark’s mind starts to brew. part of him already knew the moment their hands met in the library months before, but he’s finally realized just how far donghyuck’s emotional sense really stretches.

 

 

 

 

when they find out donghyuck’s never been to a lot of places that most people at their school go to on a regular basis, they (mainly mark) set out to change that.

one thing mark’s always liked about his town is that it was built right next to the largest lake in their state, meaning that weekend excursions to the lodge or family-owned lake houses were like trips to the mall. but donghyuck’s mom rarely had time to take him and he hadn’t been since he was tiny.

so of course their little group, the ‘lost boys 2.0’ as chenle liked to say, found themselves renting one of the presidential suites at the lodge for two days and a night. the little bit of allowance cash that they each could cough up only got them about half a day in the suite, but chenle’s rich obscure grandfather had been more than happy to finish the rest of the bill. chenle still couldn’t figure out why he’d all of a sudden been so willing to throw his money to a bunch of teenage boys but he definitely wasn’t complaining.

jisung is the first to squeeze out and stretch his arms under the warm rays of the sun, acting like the journey had been hours long when mark’s house was only fifteen minutes away. as they all climb out, a bellhop runs over to get their things out of the trunk and the valet asks for mark’s keys.

“whoa, i don’t have valet money,” mark laughs awkwardly.

“are you not mr. zhong’s guests?” the valet replies in confusion.

“oh, right,” chenle says. “that’s my grandpa.”

“he contacted us and said that all expenses are to be billed to him, including,” the valet says, kindly taking mark’s keys, “valet parking.”

“oh,” mark says, blinking and grinning. “o-okay.”

the presidential suite has two bedrooms with king beds and a smaller bedroom with two twins. jisung and chenle get relegated to the smaller room because they’re the youngest, and when jisung starts to protest chenle gives him a look.

“come on, jisung, what did you expect?” chenle says. “we’re the babies.”

donghyuck snorts and then shrugs. “just put me in a room with someone who doesn’t snore and we’re good.”

“jeno snores like a pig,” mark teases.

“it’s not my fault i have a thick palate,” jeno whines softly.

jaemin laughs and pushes him gently toward a room. “alright, i’ll sleep with you and your thick palate.”

as soon as they get into their room, mark starts unpacking as donghyuck explores the room. he wouldn’t admit it, but mark’s glad they ended up in the same room. he’s probably the only one who’s used to him and doesn’t mind when donghyuck’s hands randomly start exploring something or when he doesn’t seem to be focusing on what someone’s saying. he knows the others wouldn’t dare say it but he sees how they slightly shift away when hyuck’s gentle fingers search for an arm to guide him or a hand to hold. jaemin’s usually better at it than the others but mark knows it’ll take a little time. they’ll come around and get used to it, and mark’s just glad they absorbed donghyuck so easily in the first place.

“fuck!” donghyuck exclaims now from the bathroom. mark throws down the shirt he’s holding and runs to the bathroom door, nearly tripping over his own feet.

“what?! what is it?!”

“this bathroom is fucking huge,” donghyuck marvels, walking along the sink with his hand on the marble. “my voice echoes.”

mark closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. “don’t scare me like that, donghyuck, i thought you… never mind, i―”

“you’re such a worrier, mark, relax,” donghyuck laughs, walking towards mark’s voice. “then again, now i know how to get your attention.”

“you’re an ass.”

“a smart ass.”

“still an insult.”

“dammit.” donghyuck’s outstretched hand finds mark’s arm. “let’s unpack.”

the six of them meet in the living room for a group meeting, excluding jeno, who starts whipping up a lunch for them in the suite’s little kitchen.

“first and foremost i want to be on a boat,” donghyuck says matter-of-factly. mark discovered through observation that donghyuck, however much he complains, loves being squished and will always force himself between two people if need be. like now, squishing himself between renjun and jisung.

“well, we are at a lake,” jaemin teases.

“i just wanted to make it clear.”

mark chuckles as he writes the list out on hotel stationery. “alright, boat. next?”

“can we please go to their water park? the slides and shit?” jaemin says excitedly.

“and can we have a picnic?” jeno adds.

“yeah,” mark laughs. he glances up at donghyuck and sees the other boy with his chin on his chest, trying to hide the happy grin spread across his face and he picks at the frayed end of his sleeve. “we definitely can.”

 

 

the picnic gets combined with the boat but no one complains. they all get their swimming gear on and jeno packs some sandwiches into a picnic basket before they get chips and sodas from the lobby and go down to the dock. pretty much everyone in georgiana gets a boating license as soon as they’re old enough, which turns out great for them because otherwise they would’ve been stuck getting ferried around like the tourists. mark drives, as usual, and they all pile into the seats as he takes them out past the no-wake zone and starts gaining speed.

mark takes glances at donghyuck through the water droplets flying up from the sides of the boat and watches how the sun lights up his tan skin and the way his smile seems to brighten the whole boat. in the beginning, mark wasn’t sure if taking him would be a good idea, but the smile on his face right now is enough to convince him otherwise.

they stop at a tiny little bay where the houses overlooking the water are practically mansions and the sun reflects off their windows like yellow diamonds. jeno opens up the picnic basket and doles out the sandwiches as donghyuck grips the front of his life vest and cranes his neck upwards to let his face catch more sun rays.

mark smiles to himself before going to help jeno and soon all seven boys are happily munching away on turkey and basil sandwiches. “now we have picnic checked off the list,” jeno says with his mouth full.

“i wanna swim,” jaemin says, already chewing on his last bite.

“then swim,” renjun shrugs.

jaemin shoots a glare at him and jisung sighs. “i think i’d rather just read,” he says. “i brought some books.”

“comic books don’t count jisung,” chenle says.

“yes they do!” jisung protests.

jeno decides to stay on the boat and clean up the mess they made and chenle wants to sleep, so jaemin pouts. “someone go swimming with me,” he whines.

“i’ll go,” donghyuck says, meticulously folding the paper back down around the rest of his sandwich.

jaemin grabs his hand. “the rest of you are losers,” he hisses as he pulls donghyuck towards the back of the boat.

the water splashes up against the swimming platform and jaemin sticks a toe out. “the water’s a little warmer than usual,” he says. “do you wanna jump in?”

“wait, wait i’m scared,” donghyuck says, squeezing jaemin’s arm.

“ _you're_ scared?” jaemin laughs. “you, of all people?”

“shut the fuck up,” donghyuck jokes, pinching jaemin with a shaky hand. “i haven’t swam in a lake since i was little.”

“let’s just go slow, okay?” jaemin says, guiding the other boy to sit down at the edge of the platform. they stick their legs out into the murky water and swirl them around.

“are we gonna slide out?” donghyuck asks.

“yeah,” jaemin says. donghyuck’s taught himself strict independence for years but it’s the first time jaemin’s ever seen him so vulnerable, so he rubs donghyuck’s arm softly. in that moment, he comes around. “ready?”

there’s a pause, and a deep breath. “ready.”

 

 

the fall comes and jeno, probably the one in their group who gets sick the most, almost immediately comes down with the flu. everyone’s busy with midterms except donghyuck, who took his earlier and has a free weekend ahead of him. the moment he finds out jeno’s sick, he wants to see him.

“hyuck, that’s a bad idea,” mark sighs over the phone. donghyuck’s the only one who calls him anymore since everyone else just shoots him a text, but mark’s number is the only one other than his mom’s that hyuck’s fingers know even without braille buttons so one can only imagine how many times mark’s phone rings in a day.

“listen, i know what it’s like to be holed up in a room all day with no one to talk to, jeno’s probably bored out of his mind,” donghyuck argues.

“jeno has the _flu_ , donghyuck, he’s not on his deathbed.”

eventually mark has to concede after he realizes how passionate donghyuck is about this and he’s had enough arguments with the boy to know he’s not winning this one. donghyuck arranges it with his mom and shows up at jeno’s house the next day with a cup of warm hot chocolate.

“donghyuck! what a surprise,” jeno’s mom says as donghyuck’s mom drives off.

“i came to keep jeno company,” donghyuck says, grinning. in the other hand he has his cane, which he rarely uses outside of school but he figures today it was necessary.

“honey, i don’t know if that’s a good idea, i don’t want you sick too--”

“i have my flu shot!” donghyuck supplies happily, already stretching his cane out in front of him and stepping inside.

jeno’s mom laughs and closes the door. “do you need me to show you where his room is?”

“no, i remember from last time, thank you though,” donghyuck replies, already at the stairs.

“alright, um… i’ll be in the living room,” she says, still a little surprised. donghyuck climbs the staircase and takes a right into the hallway, stopping at jeno’s door.

“knock knock, i have hot chocolate for the human petri dish,” donghyuck calls through the door. “i’d open the door myself but my hands are sorta full.”

jeno opens the door with red eyes and wrapped in two layers of sweatshirts. “hyuck?” he says in a stuffy voice. “what are you doing here?”

“i brought you this,” he answers, holding out the hot chocolate.

jeno takes it gratefully and sighs. “thank you so much,” he whispers. “my mom won’t let me have any sweets.”

“she probably thought it was mine,” donghyuck giggles as jeno pulls him in and shuts the door.

he rests his cane against the wall and takes his jacket and shoes off and jeno lets him sit in his desk chair as he goes back to lying on his bed. as soon as donghyuck’s sitting, jeno’s cat jumps up onto his lap and curls up. donghyuck gently runs his hands through its fur without even flinching.

they talk for hours and it’s the first time jeno’s been around him so long where it’s just the two of them. when mark first introduced him to their group of friends, jeno never thought he’d get close to donghyuck no matter how hard he tried. but when he gets picked up by his mom and jeno realizes they had talked for five hours without realizing, that’s when he knows.

 

 

mark figures out he has a crush on donghyuck at the worst possible time.

they’ve been friends for over a year and it’s three days before christmas. chenle’s on vacation with his family, jisung, renjun, and jeno have been sent to relatives’ houses, and jaemin’s busy the day mark invites everyone over to his house to hang out before christmas. so, as usual, it ends up just being him and donghyuck, but they’re so used to it at this point that they almost expected it. donghyuck gets dropped off by his mom around one and mark goes outside to greet him like they always do, linking arms and ducking inside out of the cold. mark can’t help but think how cute the other boy looks bundled under thick layers out in the snow and when they get inside mark helps him take it all off, revealing the christmas sweater and jeans he’s wearing underneath.

“mom said the sweater’s cute,” donghyuck grumbles as he pulls his shoes off. “knowing her i probably look hideous.”

mark laughs. “no, i like it on you,” he says before he can stop himself.

donghyuck turns red but plays it off. “let’s just go upstairs, i’m freezing.”

they go up to mark’s room and donghyuck burrows under the covers on mark’s bed as mark searches for the christmas music playlist he’d been listening to earlier in the day. he finally finds it and puts it on before sprawling on the bed next to donghyuck’s curled up form. “you know you took all the blankets right?” mark whispers up to the ceiling.

“well, i’m cold,” donghyuck answers in a tiny voice muffled by fabric. mark chuckles and lifts the blankets up, sliding in beside him and wrapping his arms around his body. donghyuck’s hands naturally go to his and mark sucks in a breath because they’re unusually freezing.

“wow, you _are_ cold,” mark exclaims and donghyuck scoffs.

“i told you, asshole,” he replies, even so turning and burying his face into mark’s chest. donghyuck’s the type of person who craves human interaction and cuddling with him is nothing new, but even then mark can’t help the way his heart starts to race then. and then it comes. the realization.

donghyuck still shivers slightly under his hands and mark, his eyes wide with the discovery of this new feeling, brings the other boy closer to his chest. “mark,” donghyuck says quietly after a few minutes. “why did you come to the program last summer?”

“i don’t know,” mark says. “some people came for community service and some people came to make their resumes look good but i just wanted to stop being so selfish and help someone else for a change, plus my church was doing it so…”

“you? selfish?” donghyuck snorts. “you’re probably the most selfless person i’ve ever met.”

mark blinks and feels his face get hot. “really?”

“yeah. everyone knows it but you.”

mark wants to tell him how amazing he is right then because despite being blind donghyuck is always the only one in the group to notice things about the others without anyone else knowing for themselves. but he bites his tongue, because the only thing donghyuck doesn’t seem to know is how much mark likes him.

“and trust me, i’ve dealt with enough people from charities and teachers at school who claim to be doing it selflessly but are probably the most selfish people there are,” donghyuck continues. his hand finds its way to the little patch on the front of mark’s old sweatshirt and his fingers pick at it mindlessly.

they lie there for a few more minutes and mark focuses in on donghyuck’s breathing as he stares up at the ceiling, lost in thought. the other boy’s breaths get slower and slower and his body seems to warm up but mark thinks of something else.

“donghyuck?”

“hm?”

“have you ever had a crush on someone?”

the voice is slow and sleepy and the words slur together, but somehow it still makes mark’s cheeks melt off his face. “i know you like me, mark,” donghyuck says quietly.

“w-what?”

“don’t worry.” donghyuck manages to get out one last sentence before he’s overcome with sleep. “i like you too.”

 

 

“it was just like that?” renjun says over the phone the next morning.

“well… yeah,” mark says. “just like that.”

 

 

mark thinks it’s gonna be awkward after that, but really nothing changes. they’d pretty much already been behaving like a couple before then, so much so that when jisung finds out he’s confused.

“wait,” he says, scratching his head. “you weren’t dating before?”

their parents seem to be happier than they are, donghyuck’s mom even squeezing mark into a tight hug when he comes to pick donghyuck up for their first official date. “thank you,” she whispers after she pulls away.

“for what?” mark whispers back. he hears the toilet down the hall flushing and glances over her shoulder to see the bathroom door opening.

“for seeing his worth,” she answers. donghyuck comes over to them then, dressed in a simple black sweater and jeans, and mark remembers the time he showed him the system he uses to pick out his clothes.

“my mom stitches little numbers and letters into the fabric where no one can see them,” donghyuck had said, showing mark his jeans. “i know these are the ones with the ripped knees because i can feel a little ‘r’ in the waistband. it also helps that she doesn’t buy me ugly clothes.”

he let out a laugh then and mark smiled because every laugh donghyuck gave seemed to be brighter than the last.

“i’m ready to go,” he said now, his hand trailing along the wall until he stopped in front of them.

“have fun,” his mom said, kissing his cheek before mark took his hand gently. before, holding hands held no meaning for them. now, suddenly, it did.

 

 

mark thought they couldn’t possibly get any closer but they tell each other everything, calling each other before bed and first thing in the morning. mark’s there when he finally gets a cell phone and they spend the whole day learning voiceover and what it means for donghyuck.

“now you can text me whenever you want,” mark says. they’re in donghyuck’s room, sitting on the floor and waiting for the pizza mark ordered.

“that’s good, with college and all,” donghyuck says. “i can’t believe you’re graduating next week.”

“you’ll be there next year--”

“it’s not that,” donghyuck sighs. “don’t you realize that we haven’t been apart, not once, in two years?”

mark sucks in a breath and scoots closer to him, kissing his cheek softly and grabbing his hands. “i’m not that far away, okay? just a little thirty minute drive, and i’m back,” he says quietly. “i can pick you up every weekend and we can go do whatever you want.”

“well… we do have the whole summer,” donghyuck says sheepishly, allowing a tiny smile to ghost his lips.

“there you go,” mark laughs, leaning in to kiss his cheek again. donghyuck turns his head slightly towards him and mark presses a chaste kiss to his lips and then donghyuck is standing up.

“i don’t know, though,” he says as he puts his new cellphone on his desk carefully. mark learned early on that everything in donghyuck’s life has to have its place so he figures that’ll be the phone’s home for the time being. “i’ve been feeling so tired lately, i think i’d prefer if you just came here and we napped.”

“why’ve you been so tired?” mark says as he cleans up the scraps from the phone’s packaging.

“i don’t know, probably studying or something,” donghyuck yawns as he stretches his arms above his head. “sometimes i’m still getting used to braille.”

“you never told me how you went blind,” mark says.

“huh. you’re right,” donghyuck says, sprawling out on his bed. “one day. graduate first.”

he says it cheekily and laughs and mark groans and pokes donghyuck’s sides, making him giggle. “i said one day!” he yelps through his laughs. “i’ll tell you one day.”

 

 

except, he doesn’t get to.

“mark, your phone is ringing!” mark’s dad calls from his room. it’s his moving day and they’re trying to see how fast they can get half of a bedroom packed and loaded into a tiny car.

“coming!” mark says, setting down his box of desk supplies and taking the stairs two at a time. he already has a smile on his face because he knows it’s donghyuck and donghyuck’s voice always manages to warm him up.

he takes the phone from his dad and answers it but it’s not donghyuck, it’s his mom, and she’s never sounded so tired. mark’s dad watches the smile slowly melt off of his son’s face.

“dad,” mark says when he hangs up. “can you… can you take me to the hospital?”

 

 

“i’m sorry, mark, i know it’s your moving day but he keeps asking for you…”

“it’s fine ms. lee, really,” mark says earnestly. “i would come no matter what.”

mark’s dad waits outside in the van as he and donghyuck’s mom enter the elevator. she looks even more tired than she sounded on the phone and her work clothes are rumpled and crooked. she presses the button for the third floor and leans against the wall with a sigh.

“what happened?” mark says slowly as the elevator starts to rise.

“i got home from my night shift this morning and he was in the kitchen getting a snack. said he was really tired and that he’d been sleeping all day,” she said in a broken voice. “and then he just… passed out.”

mark swallows hard as the doors open and they step out into a long, dim hallway. “did donghyuck ever tell you how he went blind, mark?” she continues.

“no. he was going to, but… no.”

they stop in front of room 319, almost at the end of the hallway, and she takes a deep breath. “he was diagnosed with lymphoma, right after his twelfth birthday. luckily with a basic treatment plan, he tackled it and we were lucky it only took his sight.”

she stops and takes another, shakier breath, but mark knows where this is going. his hands start trembling but he clasps them together for both their sakes. “but it came back, mark. we thought he was in the clear but it spread,” she finishes, swallowing back her tears. “i’m sorry, i didn’t wanna cr―”

mark takes her into his arms just like he did for his own mother when his brother didn’t make it home from basketball practice five years before. he knows if the roles were reversed, if it was him and not donghyuck lying in that hospital bed just beyond the door, donghyuck would do the same.

afterwards, he goes inside and closes the door behind him as ms. lee grabs the opportunity to go get some food. donghyuck’s lying in bed propped up by pillows with his eyes closed and mark’s reminded of just how _skinny_  the boy is. he’d forgotten over the years but the bed is so big compared to him and the hospital gown and blankets drown him, sucking the color out of his cheeks and plucking the glow from his skin.

mark walks over to him and takes his hand gently. donghyuck opens his eyes and for a moment there’s panic in his expression until he squeezes mark’s hand. “mark,” he says in a small voice and mark leans over and kisses his forehead softly.

“you should’ve told me,” mark whispers, sitting down and putting both of his hands around donghyuck’s.

donghyuck snorts tiredly. “then i’d be the blind kid _and_ the cancer kid,” he jokes, but even the usual color in his voice is gone.

  
“you should’ve told me,” mark repeats, letting his head fall to the mattress by donghyuck’s arm. “you’ve only been blind for five years, hyuck? that’s a lot to deal with, i mean… you were so young. you still are.”

mark’s voice breaks and donghyuck’s sighs, causing mark to look up at him. “i know,” he whispers. “but i just wanted you to see me like i was normal. as normal as i can be, anyway.”

“donghyuck,” mark sighs and then he laughs, but it’s dry. “do you know how much i love you? i don’t care about any of this, i just care about you and if that means i’m dating the blind cancer kid then i’m dating the blind cancer kid.”

 _i wouldn't trade you for the world_ , is what he wants to say, but he stops himself because there are tears sliding down donghyuck’s cheeks and mark’s never seen him cry before. “you love me?” he whispers. and then mark slides into the bed next to him and takes him gently into his arms and just for a moment the wires and lines don’t exist.

 

 

“so… what does this mean?” mark says, hours later when their limbs are all tangled up.

“lots and lots of chemo,” donghyuck answers as he plays with his hospital band. “but the doctors said i have a real chance.”

“of course you do,” mark says, squeezing donghyuck’s shoulder. “you’re gonna be alright.”

 

and he was. it was really hard at first, because mark decided to stay home and do online college and he practically became a permanent resident at donghyuck’s house, taking care of him when his mom was working late or dead on her feet. and it wasn’t easy watching the love of his life shed almost thirty pounds off his already slight frame, all because he was too nauseous from the chemo to eat most of the time. but the best times were when they sat across from each other in donghyuck’s room, donghyuck studying his math textbooks and mark working on his english papers.

this is when the questions come, because donghyuck knows he has a real chance of surviving but part of him still thinks about that sliver of doubt and his coping mechanism is finding out as much about their friends as he possibly can.

“mark, who’s the tallest in our group of friends?”

“what color is everyone’s hair again?”

“who do you think is the best looking?”

mark doesn’t question it because he gets having a coping mechanism. he has plenty of his own, like texting donghyuck when he goes on a small grocery store run or going out to cry in his car on particularly bad days so he can stay strong in front of donghyuck.

and there are plenty of those days. there’s the nights where donghyuck’s so sick he can’t sleep, when his permanent home is beside the trash can, or when he’s freezing and he needs mark to warm him up. mark remembers his warm, soft skin and this donghyuck who’s cold to the touch is new to him, but they try to make the best of it by collecting fuzzy socks for him to wear and putting him in all kinds of sweaters and hoodies and jackets.

donghyuck asks for his head to be shaved almost as soon as a lock falls out in the shower, and then he complains that it makes him colder so jaemin gets him a warm beanie. jaemin’s always been attentive to donghyuck ever since he did the same for him, so it’s really no surprise that he’s the main one in and out of the house outside of mark.

they all come over to keep him company one night and mark remembers how panicked he felt when he looked up from helping jeno and renjun cook to find his boyfriend nowhere in sight. he walks into the living room just to find jisung and donghyuck pressed up against each other, shoulder to shoulder and fast asleep. it’d been days since donghyuck slept through the night, yet suddenly he’s sleeping peacefully on jisung’s shoulder. mark forever thinks that much higher of jisung after that night.

 

 

so it’s not perfect, but it’s their new normal.

 

 

“don’t be nervous okay?” mark sighs, his hands gripping the handles on donghyuck’s wheelchair. “whatever they say, we’ve got you.”

donghyuck’s mom reaches over and squeezes his shoulder gently. “mark’s right. you have a whole team of people looking out for you,” she says, holding the door open so mark can push donghyuck inside. ten minutes later they’re sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for the results of everything they’ve been doing for months.

he’d never admit it, but donghyuck’s nervous as hell and mark can tell because his hands are even more restless than usual. he gently takes donghyuck’s left hand and he squeezes mark’s back and mark smiles, just a little bit. just enough to clear the fog.

“hey, sorry for the wait,” the doctor says, finally stepping through the door and sitting behind his desk. “how are you, donghyuck?”

“i’m okay. nervous,” he laughs, and mark smiles. for once, donghyuck’s not afraid to admit to his feelings. he makes a mental note of it.

the doctor and donghyuck’s mom talk for a few minutes about medical things mark can’t understand as donghyuck plays absentmindedly with mark’s fingers. finally, the doctor turns to donghyuck. “so, about those test results,” he says, and donghyuck clearly perks up.

“you have no idea how happy i am to tell you that we didn’t see any signs of cancer in the scans and tests,” the doctor says happily. “you’re in remission again, donghyuck, you’re in the clear.”

donghyuck presses a hand to his mouth and instead of breathing a sigh of relief or crying or yelping he just _giggles_. in typical donghyuck fashion, he just laughs, and mark laughs, and donghyuck’s mom laughs and they’re all laughing and mark leans over to kiss donghyuck’s soft cheek in the midst of it all.

and then there’s talk of _recovery_ and _remission_ but of course donghyuck doesn’t really pay attention because at the end of the day he’s still only eighteen and mark’s only nineteen and all they want to do is think about what they’re gonna do in the next few minutes and hours, not the next few months or years, except now donghyuck can finally think in months or years if he wants without that sliver of doubt festering in the back of his mind.

not only can he think in months and years again, but he _has_ months and years, and right now he only wants to spend them with mark.

 

 

“mark, you’re gonna go off to college now right?” donghyuck says, his voice muffled by mark’s shirt. everyone else is downstairs, still munching on the cake left over from donghyuck’s nineteenth birthday party, and he can hear their voices floating up the stairs.

“online classes work for me, and besides, i wanna be close to you. we can both do online college together,” mark answers. “so nah. i’m good.”

“you sure about that? i’m pretty annoying…”

“you are? now how am i supposed to marry you?”

“not your best joke mark,” donghyuck sighs before pausing in stroking marks hand. “you wanna marry me?”

“no!” mark says, a little too quickly, before sighing. “not for another few years, at least.”

donghyuck smiles because he knows it made mark flustered and in a lot of ways they’re still the same fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds they were when they met. “alright. but before you marry me, you should know something. i’m blind.”

“shut the fuck up, hyuck.”

amidst donghyuck’s bubbling laughter, mark kisses donghyuck’s cheek and thanks god for the hundredth time that it’s still warm.


End file.
